


Silence

by Doccutroll



Category: Orange is the New Black
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-27
Updated: 2013-07-27
Packaged: 2017-12-21 12:05:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/900098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Doccutroll/pseuds/Doccutroll
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Piper deals with the aftermath of attacking Doggett and realizes that like Healy, she'd never get them. Follows the season finale of S1.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Silence

It was quiet.

It was quiet when they told her that her prison sentence was extended, before she was wordlessly hauled to SHU. Her mother probably cried and her dad might have shouted, but all she heard was a slight ringing in her ears, much like how an ECG machine sounds when the patient dies.

She didn’t turn her head to the screams of other inmates in SHU, nor did she hear the clang when the guard shut the door of her room. Unlike the last time she was there, she didn’t launch into monologues of how she’d be good, how she’d keep her head down, and how she’d stay away from Alex.

She also didn’t cry or attempt to eat the sludge that they fed her. She sat at her spot beside her vent, stared ahead and breathed.

In. Out. In. Out.

Slowly. Steadily. Yoga Jones would have been proud of her.

It was quiet. Time didn’t exist, and neither did she.

So she didn’t know how long they kept her in SHU, although she did notice that Suzanne’s hair was a little longer. Those who knew her gave her nods – and mostly wary looks with a hint of respect – but she didn’t acknowledge them as she walked straight ahead.

Despite the constant noise around her in the hallway, the dorms, and the cafeteria, it was still quiet. While people made sure to sit with her during mealtimes, nobody addressed her directly – they knew better. Even Red who intimidated her half the time only looked at her and dropped the occasional treat on her tray, with a pat on her shoulder.

Weeks went by and she stayed silent. She breathed through Healy’s snide remarks, through the heckling from Penssatucky’s gang when she dropped off her laundry, and through Pornstache’s disgusting, suggestive comments. She never went near the phones or the visitation room, and her letters, delivered by the kind Fischer or Bennett, piled up on her desk. 

If she could lip read, she would make out the words ‘Ms Claudette’ from the mouth of others when they looked at her.

And one day, when she was sitting on the stage in the chapel, she saw Alex. She might have seen the former drug dealer before then, but she couldn’t remember.

“Piper…”

She looked up. She heard it this time.

“Piper, you need to come back to us,” Alex said as she sat beside her. “Your mom, Polly and Larry came to visit me. They’re really worried.”

“I’m sorry about that. I’ll tell them not to bother you anymore.” Her voice was hoarse, different. Quiet.

“Piper, that’s not what I meant.” Alex sighed. “I’m worried about you too. We all are – Morello, Nicky, Sophia, even the people in the ghetto asked about you. 

“Thanks, but I don’t deserve it.”

“Pipes, what are you talking about?” Alex placed her hands on her shoulders. Piper twitched.

“I’m talking about how I should have been her. How they should have strap me to the chair. Gave me a real injection instead of those written ‘shots’.”

“No.” Alex’s voice was firm this time. “No, you don’t. Piper, we all knew what happened. It was self-defense. Taystee told us about the rat, the bible rant and the shower shit. You did what you had to do.”

A harsh, snarling laugh came out of her this time. “Is that what you told yourself when I said I picked Larry? That I did what I had to do?

“I beat her face into a pulp, Alex. I picked Larry and didn’t even tell you until you came to me. I had an affair with you when I was engaged. I left Polly hanging because I was busy chasing after a chicken. I was mean to Suzanne. I carried drug money. I traveled around the world on money that was…”

She took a deep breath. “I didn’t have to do any of those things. So no, I don’t deserve anything.”

It wasn’t until she had Alex’s arms around her that she knew she was cold. She wanted to push her off, but Alex was always strong, so strong. She had always been powerless to say no to her, except for that one time, so she let Alex hold her and rock her back and forth.

The last time she felt this warm was at the Christmas play, when the inmates sang ‘I saw the light’. She started to hear Norma’s rendition again, and it wasn’t quiet anymore. Her breath hitched. She felt tears rolling down her face, and she heard herself bawling. 

She cried for everyone she’d hurt, for Penssatucky who was still in a coma, and for Alex’s mother. She cried for the godson she’d never come to know, for the trouble she’d put her family through, and for the life that she almost had, but would never come within her grasp again. She cried for losing Larry, for losing Alex, and for losing herself. She’d never get them back.

Time stopped again as her wails filled the chapel.

Her sobs subsided and she heard Alex shushing and comforting her. She clutched at her arms and looked into her eyes. Alex stared back and asked her to mimic her breathing.

In. Out. In. Out.

“It’ll okay, Piper, we’ll get you through this, okay?”

Pressing her forehead to Alex’s, she calmed down and nodded.

“Look, I have to get back before they start looking for me. But I’ll come get you after and we’ll figure it out, okay?” Alex started to loosen her hold, and Piper leaned back.

Before Alex retreated, she mustered up the courage, “Alex…?”

“Pipes, I’m so sorry about everything, but this doesn’t change anything.” Alex’s gentle tone didn’t soften the blow one bit. “I can’t be your girlfriend anymore…but I can be your friend.”

Piper went back to silence, knowing she didn’t have the right to beg Alex not to leave, not then.

Hope was a dangerous thing indeed, she watched Alex’s back. 

The door closed, and it was quiet once again. 

Fin


End file.
